so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
