I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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