I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
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The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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