**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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