that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
