Your tits are I can't wait for
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
