At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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