you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
