oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
