Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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