the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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