So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
