ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
