Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
