she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
