There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
