I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
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I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
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Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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