By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
