i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
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Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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