Is it because I queefed?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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