Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
