she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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