don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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