so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
