I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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