There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
