i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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