I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
