Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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