I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize