I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
