woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
