I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
