Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
