Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
