Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
