If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
