so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
