I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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