you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
