i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am naked and annoyed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
