hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
