i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
