Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
