FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have fence marks all over my body
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
