sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
