yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
