Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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