doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
