I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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