I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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