i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
