I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
