Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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