Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
