Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
