You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
