My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
