I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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