I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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