I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
