Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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