So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
