My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
