I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
