Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
