Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
