my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
