would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
