My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize