i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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stoners and superglue do NOT mix
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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