your parents love me but you hate me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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