wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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