Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
