Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
