dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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