Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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