We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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