i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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