My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hippo gnu deer
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
