no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
