Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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